If you sat in on one of our team check-ins at the end of the day, you'd hear each of us share how we are feeling. We're often all over the place-- from feeling content and happy to feeling really uncomfortable or sick or just spiritually heavy. If you listened in, you'd also hear the word "process" a lot.
Though sometimes I feel like we overuse the word, processing is a huge part of this summer. I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, trying to figure out how I'm really feeling and what I'm really thinking. And honestly, I can't figure it out.
Today is the halfway point of our trip. (Which is insane, because part of me feels like we just landed and the other part feels like we've lived here and known each other forever.) The nine of us have seen, felt, and experienced so many things.
We've walked around and prayed over the largest Buddhist temple.
We've visited children's homes and played with the most precious kids you'll ever meet.
We've ridden elephants through the jungle.
We've attended a Nepali boy's birthday party, solely because his grandfather was thankful that we stayed in the hotel he owned.
We've worshiped with Nepali believers and with missionaries and had team worship on the roof under the stars.
We've talked to people living on the street & given food to hungry children.
We've trekked to a small village and spent days clearing rubble leftover from the earthquake.
We've prayed over sick people and talked to villagers who have never heard of Jesus.
We've mastered getting around Kathmandu, especially in taxis where the drivers are often hilarious and the traffic is insane.
We've spent many hours in a van, learning that I can sleep almost anywhere.
We've helped count beads for Beauty for Ashes, an organization that employs at-risk women to make jewelry.
We've grown closer as a team than I ever thought possible.
We've learned about the best restaurants in our neighborhood-- where to eat local food and where to eat "safe" American food.
We've taken Nepali lessons and practiced talking to everyone we meet.
We've visited the Indian border, accidentally going into India. (Now there's a great story!)
We've met women who spend their days preventing trafficking & heartache.
We've eaten dal baht at a traditional Nepali home.
We've met so many incredible people who are working tirelessly for the kingdom.
. . . And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.
. . . And we're merely at the halfway point.
So yeah, you try and form sentences about what's been happening and how you're feeling. It's tough. There's a lot to process through. Because we're not just focused on right here and now. This trip doesn't end in three weeks when we fly home. We're also here, trying to think about "What now? What do I do with this? How does this affect life after Nepal? How do I go home after seeing this?" It's a daily thing-- and the busyness never stops. There's always another lesson to learn, another experience to be had.
One day this week, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed. I was alone in a remote village, "guarding" our campsite with only one other teammate while the rest of the team & Nepali staff were doing relief work. I had so many thoughts and emotions, yet every time I sat down to sort through them, I couldn't. It was frustrating, yet I knew God was working and teaching me something. Just as I decided to work through everything & decipher what is going on in my head, these two Nepali girls wandered up to our camp. They sat at my table with me & we exchanged snacks. Through awkward gestures and broken English, they asked what I was reading. I showed them my Bible and eventually gave them their own Nepali Bibles. As they left to return to school, more boys came to talk with us. And for the next three hours, we were never alone at our camp. I got to talk with kids, read Ephesians with boys who were about to leave for college, explain the gospel to a crowd, pray over a sick woman, feed little kids fresh mangos, teach my little buddy Sabin to play music on my iPhone, and simply enjoy life in the foothills of the Himalayas.
Once the team returned and the day got quieter, I pulled out my journal as I watched the sun set. The last thing I had written was, "I need this time alone. I have so much to think and work through. I need to figure out what God is teaching me." Yet, that's not what I truly needed-- the day had proven that. God knew what I needed more than figuring out His will and my next steps. He knew that what I needed was to simply be with Him and rest in Him. He brought people to me, I didn't have to go out and find them or decipher His will. It was there. He had it under control.
It's so refreshing to know that in the midst of this huge trip, I don't have to figure it all out or have it all together. God knows what He's doing with my life. He'll make it clear. What's most important now is that I follow Him, always staying close to Him. In the waiting and in the processing, He's here. I don't have to sit down and overthink each event and what it could possibly teach me. I tried that, it's exhausting. All I have to do is say "yes" to Jesus, and he'll lead. He'll use me for great things.
And I'm so excited to see what's coming next. We're leaving this morning for Pokhara, where we will (FINALLY) visit the Dream Center and run a kids camp. Then it's back to Kathmandu for ten final days of projects and diving into service. It's going to be great. I can't wait to fall even deeper in love with Jesus & follow Him in loving the nations.
(Also, thanks for reading my blog posts, even when they're jumbled thoughts. It means so much to see that so many people are following my journey and constantly praying for me!)
Though sometimes I feel like we overuse the word, processing is a huge part of this summer. I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, trying to figure out how I'm really feeling and what I'm really thinking. And honestly, I can't figure it out.
Today is the halfway point of our trip. (Which is insane, because part of me feels like we just landed and the other part feels like we've lived here and known each other forever.) The nine of us have seen, felt, and experienced so many things.
We've walked around and prayed over the largest Buddhist temple.
We've visited children's homes and played with the most precious kids you'll ever meet.
We've ridden elephants through the jungle.
We've attended a Nepali boy's birthday party, solely because his grandfather was thankful that we stayed in the hotel he owned.
We've worshiped with Nepali believers and with missionaries and had team worship on the roof under the stars.
We've talked to people living on the street & given food to hungry children.
We've trekked to a small village and spent days clearing rubble leftover from the earthquake.
We've prayed over sick people and talked to villagers who have never heard of Jesus.
We've mastered getting around Kathmandu, especially in taxis where the drivers are often hilarious and the traffic is insane.
We've spent many hours in a van, learning that I can sleep almost anywhere.
We've helped count beads for Beauty for Ashes, an organization that employs at-risk women to make jewelry.
We've grown closer as a team than I ever thought possible.
We've learned about the best restaurants in our neighborhood-- where to eat local food and where to eat "safe" American food.
We've taken Nepali lessons and practiced talking to everyone we meet.
We've visited the Indian border, accidentally going into India. (Now there's a great story!)
We've met women who spend their days preventing trafficking & heartache.
We've eaten dal baht at a traditional Nepali home.
We've met so many incredible people who are working tirelessly for the kingdom.
. . . And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.
. . . And we're merely at the halfway point.
So yeah, you try and form sentences about what's been happening and how you're feeling. It's tough. There's a lot to process through. Because we're not just focused on right here and now. This trip doesn't end in three weeks when we fly home. We're also here, trying to think about "What now? What do I do with this? How does this affect life after Nepal? How do I go home after seeing this?" It's a daily thing-- and the busyness never stops. There's always another lesson to learn, another experience to be had.
One day this week, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed. I was alone in a remote village, "guarding" our campsite with only one other teammate while the rest of the team & Nepali staff were doing relief work. I had so many thoughts and emotions, yet every time I sat down to sort through them, I couldn't. It was frustrating, yet I knew God was working and teaching me something. Just as I decided to work through everything & decipher what is going on in my head, these two Nepali girls wandered up to our camp. They sat at my table with me & we exchanged snacks. Through awkward gestures and broken English, they asked what I was reading. I showed them my Bible and eventually gave them their own Nepali Bibles. As they left to return to school, more boys came to talk with us. And for the next three hours, we were never alone at our camp. I got to talk with kids, read Ephesians with boys who were about to leave for college, explain the gospel to a crowd, pray over a sick woman, feed little kids fresh mangos, teach my little buddy Sabin to play music on my iPhone, and simply enjoy life in the foothills of the Himalayas.
Once the team returned and the day got quieter, I pulled out my journal as I watched the sun set. The last thing I had written was, "I need this time alone. I have so much to think and work through. I need to figure out what God is teaching me." Yet, that's not what I truly needed-- the day had proven that. God knew what I needed more than figuring out His will and my next steps. He knew that what I needed was to simply be with Him and rest in Him. He brought people to me, I didn't have to go out and find them or decipher His will. It was there. He had it under control.
It's so refreshing to know that in the midst of this huge trip, I don't have to figure it all out or have it all together. God knows what He's doing with my life. He'll make it clear. What's most important now is that I follow Him, always staying close to Him. In the waiting and in the processing, He's here. I don't have to sit down and overthink each event and what it could possibly teach me. I tried that, it's exhausting. All I have to do is say "yes" to Jesus, and he'll lead. He'll use me for great things.
And I'm so excited to see what's coming next. We're leaving this morning for Pokhara, where we will (FINALLY) visit the Dream Center and run a kids camp. Then it's back to Kathmandu for ten final days of projects and diving into service. It's going to be great. I can't wait to fall even deeper in love with Jesus & follow Him in loving the nations.
(Also, thanks for reading my blog posts, even when they're jumbled thoughts. It means so much to see that so many people are following my journey and constantly praying for me!)
