there are days where the past doesn't make sense . when you still can't see why God did that or how it's ever going to work for anyone's good .
there are days when the future is overwhelming because how will these things ever work out ? how can you keep going when the next steps are so unclear ? following Jesus seems so difficult and uncomfortable and just flat out painful sometimes .
i've been there . i am there .
if you had asked me four months ago, i would have told you that i was prepared for my summer at camp . i thought i was ready, had it all together & knew what was coming . i've learned so much over the past year -- this is just the climax and a chance to apply it, right ? i've got this counseling thing down .
wrong . oh, so wrong . in those six short weeks, i saw how prone to wander my flesh is . i learned more about myself, my pride, and my weaknesses than i ever have before . i saw how i don't have it all together -- in fact, there's not much i can do well on my own . i am so broken .
i struggled through the smallest things this summer, and i left pennsylvania wondering if there was even a purpose for me being there at all . was i effective ? did i make any impact ? how am i still struggling with issues that should have been dealt with months & years ago ?
i came home from camp overwhelmed by questions and fears and uncertainties . i spent days searching for explanations and the courage to move forward . peace and answers were so elusive . i was miserable .
and then, slowly, i began to see the answer . more than that, i felt it :
in the midst of fears and doubt, i can choose to be brave . i can be brave, not because God promises answers, but my God promises me himself -- and he's the greatest answer i could ever hope for .
i can choose to embrace the brokenness of my own soul & still follow Jesus . i can choose to be brave and keep getting out of bed, even when the day and the future seem impossible . sometimes, the bravest thing i can do is just keep doing -- keep going when it'd be easier to quit . i can choose to be brave and face the fears that have crippled me for so long . i can be brave .
i choose to be brave because i know my God . i know that he loves me, regardless of my intense brokenness . i have failed him, yet his love never fails . his love gives me courage to keep going -- he's gently helping me, encouraging me every moment .
i choose to be brave because Jesus will never leave me . i never have to face a day on my own -- he's here . constantly with me, guiding me . he's here, always fighting for me . and with Jesus fighting for me, i know i have no need to fear . and in the midst of everything changing, i can be brave because i know that my God will never change .
i choose to be brave because this time has a purpose . i can trust that though i don't understand this season of pain, Someone else does . He sees the bigger picture and he knows . this moment, this season, is a beautiful gift for my good . it's growing maturity, patience, humility, love . i can face today with peace -- i can be still and know that He is God and he's working in even this .
i choose to be brave because there's grace when i fail . i don't have to be trapped in my fear of failure because my failures are when Jesus shines most radiantly . when i fail, the brokenness is merely a crack to let the Light of the World shine through me . he's still here, gently leading, giving grace in every moment . my Jesus is so patient with me through my struggles .
and the more i choose to be brave and keep moving and keep following Jesus, i realize this : aren't the uncomfortable places the ones where i thrive most ? the uncertain times the ones where i run to Christ more ? the changing circumstances the ones that make me thankful for the faithful and unchanging Savior ? safety and security are such illusions . the answers to all my uncertainties won't really give me peace . following Jesus is infinitely better than being comfortable & finding answers to every question . so i'm done with seeking comfort and today, i choose to be brave .
