The year of grace, a time for movement

at the beginning of 2014, i decided two things rather spontaneously :
1. 2014 will be the year of grace.
2. i want to see the sunrise at least twice.

the grace thing came about as a result of realizing that my view of grace & the gospel is so messed up. i know the facts, but i'm living like i still have to become a better person in order for God to like me and use me. i was dying to see God's grace and goodness daily, so on a whim i posted that instagram picture and 2014 was officially the year of grace, whatever that really means .

the sunrise thing only happened because i read a blog post from who knows where and there was one line that simply read "i saw the sunrise twice this year and promptly went back to bed ." it seemed to be a great accomplishment, and i once i realized that i can't remember ever getting up to see the sunrise, i decided that i would this year. even if it was only twice.

the first sunrise i saw was in the dead of winter, earlier than i liked, and on a mountainside facing west. i credited the not-so-great-as-i-thought-it-would-be morning to the fact that i didn't have coffee and i never actually saw the sun, so i woke up early again the very next weekend to try again. i found a spot that actually provided a view of the sunrise & my city down below and, with coffee in hand, i realized exactly how great this goal of getting up to watch the sunrise could be. watching the sky lighten and the sun suddenly appearing changed my perspective like nothing else i know. i left the mountain that day ready to start fresh. i had a new perspective and new eyes to see the grace that was all around me.

because just as seeing the sunrise was becoming a habit, grace was saturating my mind & my life. i formed a working definition of grace being "one-way, unconditional love." i saw that "grace is love that seeks you out even if you have nothing to give in return. grace is being loved when you are or feel unlovable. grace has the power to turn despair into hope. grace listens, lifts up, cures, transforms, and heals." grace brings the darkness to light, the place where sin and shame lose effectiveness, giving grace power. grace knows exactly who you are and loves you exactly for that reason. grace doesn't wait for you to fix your issues or start being a better person-- grace loves you right where you are.

that one word became the theme of my year. it defined it. seen or unseen, 2014 was grace from beginning to the end. i saw grace in little things like getting a fish, singing in the car with my brother, becoming a better baker and a better writer. i saw grace in the bigger things like finding the best friends i've had in my life, traveling to colorado and spending another summer at camp. but i also learned to find grace-- God showing me his one-way, unconditional love-- in the hard things. i saw grace when camp was hard and exposed my pride and bitterness. i saw grace when i was sick for weeks and struggled to get out of bed every single morning. i saw grace when i ended fall semester more broken than i'd like to admit.

this unconditional grace that knows me and loves me in spite of my mess-- it's amazing. it's what was on my mind on new years day as i woke up early to watch the sun rise, something i've now done more times than i can count. as i stood looking over the harbor, waiting for the sun to appear, i was reflecting on the past year. and as i stood there, trying to process everything about 2014, i thought of philippians 3:

"I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

looking forward, looking ahead to the goal is where i need to be focused. yes, the year wasn't what i ever expected it to be-- but it was full of grace. it was full of good gifts that i don't deserve. and whether or not i understand why God chose to give me a gift that i call ugly, he knows why. and that's enough. i'm content to rest and thank him for every gift-- ugly or beautiful.

you know the one thing that i'm reminded of every single time i get up to watch the sunrise? that the light always, always overcomes the darkness. the darkness may seem thick and dark and endless, but the sun just keeps moving. eventually, it always appears and then the darkness flees. the light always wins. but in order for the darkness to leave, the sun has to keep moving. light has to come.

so this year? i'm moving. i'm moving towards Jesus and away from myself. i'm moving towards new goals, new dreams, and new opportunities. i'm moving towards becoming the person that God is calling me to be, the one he meant me to be. i'm going to keep seeing grace, finding it everything . because the light of God's grace breaks every chain of darkness. and broken chains mean you're free. . .