In the middle of the night last night, I woke up to a twisting and churning stomach. I tried to calm it and fall back asleep, but sleep was gone apparently. My mind wandered to the place that all my thoughts seem to end up these days-- Nepal. What if I get sick like this when I'm in Nepal? Immediately, all the fears and doubts about this summer flooded in. And in an attempt to still my fears, calm my stomach, and fall asleep, I prayed. I prayed for Nepal, for Tiny Hands, for my team. I prayed for the people, about Christ's kingdom being built in Nepal. I got so excited to be a part of that, and eventually, I fell asleep.
But I woke up to the news-- a 7.9 earthquake shook that tiny country to its core. Read the news, hear the statistics: this is devastating. An already poor country just became poorer. An economy that depends heavily on tourism lost all tourist appeal. 80% of the homes are gone. There is no food, no water, no roads. There are thousands on the street, scared to sleep because of the continuing tremors. Thousands of children just became orphans, wives became widows, parents became childless. Thousands of people who have never heard the gospel just died and went to hell.
My heart is breaking. I'm here in the comfort of my home, completely separate from the suffering and hurt going on in Nepal. I'm left here crying out and praying,
God, I don't see what you're doing here. This country with such deep need just became more destitute. There are already so many children who are fatherless and homeless-- how many more became orphans today? How many more died today without hearing your gospel? You ask me, and I say too many. You ask me, and I say this doesn't show your goodness. You ask me, and I don't have a single answer. Why this country? Why these people? So much is shifting and changing and shaking-- literally. I don't know what You are doing or why you chose for this earthquake to happen.
But somehow in the midst, You are here. And You haven't changed. You are still the God of Lamentations 3:31-32 (For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love."). You are still the God of Psalm 31: 21-22 ("Blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city. I had said in my alarm, 'I am cut off from your sight.' But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help.") You are still the God of Psalm 46:1-2 ("God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea.")
I'm sitting here 8,000 miles away, listening to the words of "Sovereign Over Us" (my song for this journey of Nepal). It doesn't make sense, but yet,
Your plans are still to prosper.
You have not forgotten Nepal.
You're with them in the fire and the flood, and the earthquake.
You're faithful forever, perfect in love.
You are sovereign over us.
God, I don't understand, but I know you are good. I know you have not changed. You are using this for your glory. Give me eyes to see it. Give the believers in Nepal eyes to see the beauty in the ashes. Use the body of Christ to come alongside the church of Nepal. Move people here, now, today to follow you to Nepal, to make a difference and to give hope in the midst of hopelessness. Give strength to the church in Nepal. Help them to trust in You. You alone, You always. Use this earthquake, God. Where those temples once stood, build your kingdom. Make these desperate people desperate for you. In this time of confusion and deep hurt, help the people of Nepal to see you as the One True Answer, the One True God. Become a Father to the fatherless. Make these widows your Bride. Show us yourself through this, God. Help us to trust you no matter what comes. Today, tomorrow, next week, this summer. . . You haven't forgotten Nepal, you haven't forgotten me. You're here even now.
